Cabin Fever

Alright, can we talk about the movie Cabin Fever for just a minute here?

Cabin Fever is a horror film that came out in 2002; one I haven't seen yet despite wanting to. Badly, I'm realizing.

Visually, Cabin Fever looks amazing. The case, that is. The picture on the cover, set against a blood-red background, is of a derelict cabin with two gnarly trees growing on either side, their branches interweaving overhead to form the shape of a skull. How awesome does that sound?

When I think about it, it's rather unbelievable how many times I've been at the video store, holding a copy of Cabin Fever in my hands before heading back home to watch anything but Cabin Fever.

The problem is that for me, movie renting is almost only ever done in the company of others. I've been in three long-term relationships in my life and seriously, each one has involved an instance in which we're at the video store, I suggest renting Cabin Fever, and we end up with something totally different. A pack of Smarties, perhaps. And it's not because I'm some sort of let-my-girlfriend-walk-all-over-me type. No, each time an all too sensible argument is made as to how renting Cabin Fever would make for a disasterous evening:

"Okay, we COULD get Cabin Fever, but you know that friend of mine? That one who's opinion you actually kind of respect? Well she saw and said it was just awful."

Or

"Okay, we COULD get Cabin Fever, but look what I just found: Memoirs of a Geisha! Now come on, we've both been meaning to see this."

Or

"Okay, we COULD get Cabin Fever...but frankly I'd rather be trapped in this video store, contract actual cabin fever and eventually kill myself."

Or let's say I'm with a group of my evangelical Christian friends. They never let me get Cabin Fever either. "Haha, you're kidding, right Joey?" The funny thing is that we'll end up renting something like Kill Bill instead. Now there's a fine line if ever there was one. They weren't using no Jumbo Jiffy when they drew that thing.

But now here's where this whole thing gets really crazy. See, I'll be going about my normal everyday business, nowhere near a video store, Cabin Fever the furthest thing from my mind, and I'll run into people--complete strangers sometimes--who cannot shut up about how much they love Cabin Fever. "You haven't seen it!?" they ask incredulously. "If you're into campy, cheesy horror movies, you'll love it!" No joke, people simply rave about Cabin Fever everywhere I go. I can hardly take two steps without bumping into someone who's practically wearing a Cabin Fever T-shirt and just waiting to get into how fantastic it is with whoever will listen.

Wow, I really can't believe I haven't seen Cabin Fever yet. What's it going to take?

And also

"Eh! What's it gonna take...for a good kid like Greg MacPherson...to catch a break?"

- Walter Prychodko

"Wolves" Video

We shot a video today for "Wolves at the Door." We were outside... It was cold... That seems to be, more often than not, my experience with music videos: being outdoors somewhere in November. And even if we're inside, let's say, a log cabin, the door is always kept open for some crucial, extension-cord-involving reason and it's still cold.

On the plus side there's usually someone nice who's job it is to bring people coffee and soup. This time I got a sealed styrofoam container filled with, apparently, soup, but it was taken away from me before I could have any; we were in the middle of doing an important soup-less scene. I watched as different crew members chaperoned my soup to various spots on set before it disappeared altogether. "Thanks," I muttered. Not actually. I thought this blog could use more dialogue.

I think the video's going to turn out really well though. It takes place mostly in the woods where a Little Red Riding Hood-type character (played by my new friend Maria) is being chased by a Big Bad Wolf-type character (played by...Sean, was it? Sean's always my first guess when I forget a guy's name.) But the whole time that's going on, the four of us are performing the song in a cabin wearing matching suspenders that kept falling off mid-chorus. Other stuff happens too... A smoke machine got my allergies going at one point.

Knowing us, this video probably won't be made public until Fall 2014.

Facebook

Wow. iPod, Facebook - what next, Joey, Schick Quattro?

Yeah, did I ever join Facebook today. Exciting times. So far I've scrounged together something like twenty new Facebook friends who look suspiciously like my ex-MySpace friends who I could've sworn I told never to speak to me again. I think twenty friends may just be enough for right now. I think I'm going to really get to know this bunch and then allow myself another six or so. That's how this is supposed to work, right?

I gotta say though, the sheer number of pictures some people post of themselves - good night. If a picture is worth a thousand words these individuals have re-classified Moby Dick as a My First Reader. The thing is, I rarely see some of these people in the real world. It's like if my life was a movie being continuously projected onto earth by a giant reel-to-reel, I would have seen less frames of them in real life than the amount of pictures I'm now expected to slog through on Facebook.

Me, I'm the one-picture type. Facebook may as well be called Yearbook as far as I'm interested. No I'm not crazy about my hair. Yeah it kind of looks like I've got a boner, what's your point? I'll try again next year.

Weather

Hey everyone, don't all book your plane tickets at once but Winnipeg's enjoying some truly invigorating cold weather right now! Aw, it's just great: snow on the ground, icy sidewalks (just in case you made it through the winter without falling, you sneaky-deek!), and the wind! Oh the wonderful have-your-clothes-ripped-off-while-trying-to-maintain-your-composure wind! Mmm, throw some dust and debris into the mix - now you're having fun!

Yeah, it's horrid here. At first there was talk that the whole mess would pass over us. Apparently the weather system, cleverly nicknamed Mother Nature You Whore, started out in Vancouver, then Calgary and Saskatchewan took turns in front of the ol' crap chucker. And at that point we were still actually thinking, ha ha, losers! Look at us for once: sauntering around in our short sleeves like frat boys at Mardi Gras.

But alas, when is Winnipeg ever the exception when it comes to places getting shat on? When word got out that there was an opportunity to take part in some seriously horrid weather, Winnipeg could not wait to get involved. It sprinted over to that sign-up sheet as soon as class let out ("no running in the hall, Winnipeg!") and proudly scrawled its name with a capital "W."

WINNIPEG: Hey Vancouver, this year they're offering a bonus tutorial called Tsunami: Is It Time? Cool, huh?
VANCOUVER: Ugh, you're actually into this? I'm only signing up because I told Calgary I would.
WINNIPEG: Uh...yeah, me too!
CALGARY: Whattup, queers. Hand me that pencil.

Flute

Personally I think I'm done with guys who beatbox while playing the flute. I don't know if it's the same guy I keep seeing or what, but these clips of guys beatboxing while playing the flute seem to be popping up all over the place. Honestly if I played flute I could do that. Think about it, you're blowing air out of your mouth anyway; what's so hard about making a beat while you're at it? Other instruments you could do this with would include the pan flute...and really anything else you blow on top of...a beer bottle would work...
And it's always the damn Super Mario song they're doing; stuff they know will get an instant reaction.
Whatever. It's just getting old for me, that's all.
Wow, I can't believe out of all the lame, awful music out there I decided to pick on guys who beatbox while playing the flute. The guy's playing the flute for crying out loud - obviously his entire high school experience sucked because of it - and here he's found this one thing, the ONE kind of cool thing you can do with a flute and I decide I'm going to go ahead and attack it. I'm a bad person.
Keep at it, buddy.

iPod

I finally bought an iPod the other day. Owning an iPod was something I'd been purposely avoiding since the dawn of their popularity in an effort to set myself apart from the hip, techno-savvy masses. That and I couldn't afford one. I'm going to be the cool guy who still listens to CDs on his Discman I thought. Well guess what Joey - a) Discmans aren't that cool and b) iPods have come a-down doobie doo down down in price.
So now I'm enjoying owning one. At first it had no music on it but I got pleasure from just holding it, feeling it's weight, admiring it's sheen. The petite Asian girl working at BestBuy who happened to be standing within ear-shot when I uttered the words out loud, "I think I want to buy an iPod," ended up lecturing me for a good twenty minutes on how I should pay an extra seventy bucks for a three year warranty. "Just to give you a heads up," she kept saying. "Just to give you a heads up, this thing might break at which point you'll be damn glad you got the warranty."
"Just to give you a heads up, warranties are for lily-livered mama's boys," I should have said. "You think Captain Smith had a warranty for the Titanic? No. You know why? 'Cause when your boat sinks or your iPod breaks you be a man and go down with the ship, little girl."
I don't think it's going to break to be honest. I have a feeling Apple doesn't mess around. And if something does go wrong I'm sure my old pal Discy will be happy to fill in.

SUVs

Okay, so I'm still seeing a lot of SUVs out there on the ol' road. Didn't we learn a long time ago that driving an SUV is horrible for the environment? Didn't we all get the memo like four years ago saying the amount of carbon emissions they produce is just plain unacceptable? Then why? Is this a case of people, even now, being uninformed or, as I suspect, shamelessly self-centred?
I can't think of anyone - save perhaps a seven-man team of miners working out of Coyote Gulch - who would actually require a vehicle so massive. My family owns a cottage up in Nopiming Provincial Park, the way to which includes a hundred kilometres or so of gravel roads engineered by the same crew that did Splash Mountain, and even we don't own an SUV or truck. A Geo Metro has actually been proven to get the job done just fine. When my dad, who actually is a Coyote Gulch kind of guy, needs to bring slabs of wood or other building supplies along, we simply hook up a trailer to our station wagon.
And what exactly do you people still driving Hummers have to say for yourselves? What a statement of sin those things are. Personally I'd be embarrassed to be seen inside one.
The truth is, people who drive vehicles like that know full well that the rest of us would love nothing more than to see them get driven over my their own thirty-two inch tires. They get off on it. And until the owning of a vehicle the size of a small home gets out-lawed (I'd give it another two years), they'll continue to get off on it. I just really wish we were responsible and respectful enough to make the right decision ourselves.

Winter Performance

Last Saturday our band did something really fun: we invited a bunch of friends - mostly fellow Winnipeg musicians - down to a loft on Albert Street in the Exchange and shot a performance video for two songs off our upcoming album. John Paul Peters recorded the whole thing and our friend, Alec, directed it. We'll get it up on YouTube as soon as it's done being edited.
Oh yeah, the "All Empires Fall" video we did in the summer should be watchable soon as well.

Planet Earth

So, the BBC's Planet Earth series may just be the greatest thing ever. Way better than any other nature show I've seen. It's unbelievable the kind of footage they get. Like, they filmed this thing called a Vampire Squid which lives two miles below the ocean's surface. First of all, who's tipping them off as to where to even begin looking for something like this? The ocean is massive and, as it turns out, pitch dark. And as far as I can tell, all they do is hand a camera crew a flashlight, tie sand bags to their ankles and push them overboard. What are the chances of them finding anything, right? Pretty good apparently, because next thing you know, a Vampire Squid - something I've never heard of before - miraculously shows up. Good work, kids.

Of course the narrator could not sound less impressed with the whole ordeal. As if hundreds of these things auditioned for the role and - big whoop - Marty got it.

DIRECTOR: Alright, Marty, looking great so far. I'm wondering though - can those crazy light-up things on your tentacles go any brighter?
MARTY: Like this? HMMMMPPPFFF!
DIRECTOR: Perfect! Hold that! Ooh, but don't look at the camera, big guy!
SHARK: Get it right, Marty! I thought we were drinking tonight!

Another cool thing they do in almost every episode is film a single patch of landscape for what I assume must be months, and then speed up the tape so that the birth, childhood, goth phase, and death of an Amazonian log fungus can be witnessed in a matter of seconds. Personally, I don't think I'd have the patience for that. Duh, I realize there's not a guy manning the camera every second of the day, but even still. You'd probably be stationed somewhere nearby. In a mud hut. With a BBC colleague you don't quite get along with. One and a half days in, you're wishing you'd signed up for the "Ocean Deep" team instead:

DIRECTOR: Okay, Marty, what I'm going to get you to do this time is start further back by where that reef is, and then come toward the camera real scary-like, as though you're about to attack it.
MARTY: Like this?
DIRECTOR: ...Shit, the flashlight broke...Marty? You there, buddy? What's going on? ...Oh Mr. Octopu-AAAAHHHHHH!
SHARK: LMAO! Come on, Marty! Bar closes in forty minutes.