Planet Earth

So, the BBC's Planet Earth series may just be the greatest thing ever. Way better than any other nature show I've seen. It's unbelievable the kind of footage they get. Like, they filmed this thing called a Vampire Squid which lives two miles below the ocean's surface. First of all, who's tipping them off as to where to even begin looking for something like this? The ocean is massive and, as it turns out, pitch dark. And as far as I can tell, all they do is hand a camera crew a flashlight, tie sand bags to their ankles and push them overboard. What are the chances of them finding anything, right? Pretty good apparently, because next thing you know, a Vampire Squid - something I've never heard of before - miraculously shows up. Good work, kids.

Of course the narrator could not sound less impressed with the whole ordeal. As if hundreds of these things auditioned for the role and - big whoop - Marty got it.

DIRECTOR: Alright, Marty, looking great so far. I'm wondering though - can those crazy light-up things on your tentacles go any brighter?
MARTY: Like this? HMMMMPPPFFF!
DIRECTOR: Perfect! Hold that! Ooh, but don't look at the camera, big guy!
SHARK: Get it right, Marty! I thought we were drinking tonight!

Another cool thing they do in almost every episode is film a single patch of landscape for what I assume must be months, and then speed up the tape so that the birth, childhood, goth phase, and death of an Amazonian log fungus can be witnessed in a matter of seconds. Personally, I don't think I'd have the patience for that. Duh, I realize there's not a guy manning the camera every second of the day, but even still. You'd probably be stationed somewhere nearby. In a mud hut. With a BBC colleague you don't quite get along with. One and a half days in, you're wishing you'd signed up for the "Ocean Deep" team instead:

DIRECTOR: Okay, Marty, what I'm going to get you to do this time is start further back by where that reef is, and then come toward the camera real scary-like, as though you're about to attack it.
MARTY: Like this?
DIRECTOR: ...Shit, the flashlight broke...Marty? You there, buddy? What's going on? ...Oh Mr. Octopu-AAAAHHHHHH!
SHARK: LMAO! Come on, Marty! Bar closes in forty minutes.